Breakups are hard. It matters not whether you’re the one who broke it off or the one who was left emotionally broken in the aftermath. Your mental state after a breakup is likely clouded by a furious storm of conflicting thoughts and emotions. Those emotions make it even more important to try to keep a level head while coping. And, you must avoid making any rash decisions.
We all cope with loss and pain differently. However, there are 15 things you should never do after a breakup. These are common pitfalls people tend to fall into way too frequently.
Never Do These 15 Things After a Breakup
1 – Don’t Beg To Save The Relationship
Once you have a broken relationship, very little can be done to fix it. Relationships can end for a variety of reasons. But the most common is that both people are just romantically incompatible.
For one reason or another, you did not share a secure romantic connection. Or, you found some absolute deal breakers that keep the relationship from ever really happening.
It’s essential to identify whether you’re missing your ex specifically. Or, are you merely missing the idea of being in a relationship? These scenarios are two different things. Furthermore, longing for that familiarity can lead to a lot of problems if mishandled.
2 – Never Rush Right Back Into Dating
If you just got out of a relationship, the last thing you want to do is simply look for someone on the rebound. Whether you realize it or not, your standards are much lower in the moments after things end since you are looking for some familiarity or some way to return to what your mind recognizes as usual and routine.
Getting right back into the dating pool will likely end with you just latching on to the first friendly person you meet without really considering if they’re a good fit for you or even what you’re looking for.
This recklessness will just lead to a fundamentally broken relationship doomed to inevitably fail since you’re not in it for the right reasons. Give yourself time to adjust to being single and fully move on before going back out to look for Mr. Right.
3 – Don’t Call or Text Your Ex
While it isn’t unheard of for people to remain friends after a breakup, it is scarce and only happens if they both properly move on from the relationship. If you’re looking to get over your ex, it is essential to avoid contact with them as best as possible, both physically and digitally.
Talking or texting with them only reinforces your attachment, making it harder to move on emotionally.
4 – Never Seek Revenge
Tensions may be high, and you might be feeling a lot of pain and anger during an ended relationship. However, it is vital not to try to go out of your way for revenge. Seeking revenge often leads to feelings of shame or regret rather than a sense of calm or closure that most people assume it will.
If you are considering taking revenge on your ex, just ask yourself how it might affect you. Does retribution reflect who you want to be as a person? Or is it just the anger and emotional turmoil talking?
The worst behaviors in people often come out during a breakup. And while it might feel wholly justified, revenge rarely works out to anyone’s benefit.
5 – Don’t Try to Become the Life of the Party
While it might be tempting to go out and party to drown your sorrows, you’re just running from your emotional problems and aren’t dealing with the loss.
The more you ignore it, the worse you’ll feel when you’re not out distracting yourself. This behavior leads to a dangerous cycle where you never truly get over your ex or the pain of your ended relationship. Thus, you are possibly dooming your next relationship by bringing negative baggage with you from the previous one.
6 – Don’t Forget That It’s Not the End of the World
It’s easy to fall into a very negative place, using words like ‘never’ when it comes to your self-worth and the possibility of finding love in the future. While it can be easy to fall into this negative place and want to throw a pity party for yourself, its not healthy, and it may end up reinforcing ideas of worthlessness or self-doubt, which can stay with you as you look for a new partner.
7 – Don’t Avoid The Pain of the Breakup
Experiencing and processing your emotions through your pain is all part of the grieving process. Avoiding your grief will only delay the grieving, leaving unresolved emotions that could flare up if triggered. Don’t be afraid to face your pain head-on. You’ll be able to move on with a clearer mind and with more closure if you do.
8 – Don’t Talk About or Spread Gossip About Your Ex
When it comes to talking about your ex, especially complaining about all the negatives or bad-mouthing him, it’s best just to keep quiet. It’s not the right move when it comes to getting over your ex, as it reflects more on you than it does on them.
Rather than dragging yourself through the mud by complaining about your ex, try to take the high road and just keep it to yourself. The exception to this is venting or discussing with family or very close friends, where what is said stays between you and them.
9 – Don’t Be Down On Yourself
You’re already hurting, and your self-esteem is probably already feeling like it is at an all-time low, so don’t beat yourself up even further. Don’t try to blame yourself for the way things ended, or try to come up with how you could have been better or done things differently. It’s over. There probably wasn’t much you could have done to prevent it. So try to focus on moving forward, and if you did make some kind of mistake that leads to the end of the relationship, learn from it for the next time.
10 – Don’t Isolate Yourself After a Breakup
When feeling depressed, it’s tempting to just hole yourself up at home and wallow in your own negative emotions. The best way to combat those feelings is to push through them and try to stay active. The more you get out and go about your business, the more you’ll realize that you can manage just fine without your ex, and life will go on despite everything that has happened.
11 – Don’t Forget Yourself
It’s essential to consider your wants and needs, as well as care for your mental health when feeling down. Use the time productively to do things that interest you or work on talents that help you emotionally.
Creative hobbies like art and writing are great for this, as they’ll let you work through your emotions while being productive at the same time. Take some time for yourself if you need it.
12 – Don’t Turn To Alcohol To Ease The Pain
Turning to alcohol, or even your favorite comfort food is not going to help you cope or get over the pain. All it does is temporarily numb you. Later, it makes the pain that much worse when the alcohol wears off. Using alcohol can also lead to other issues as well, like high-risk behavior, criminal charges, substance dependence, and victimization.
13 – Never Treat Yourself As A Failure
Relationships can end for a variety of reasons, and sometimes it’s just due to incompatibility or that spark not being there. People like to think that if you work at it hard enough, relationships are guaranteed to work, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Rather than treat your relationship or your part in it as a failure, use it as a learning experience on what to look for in your next partner.
14 – Don’t Put Your Ex On A Pedestal
Much like how seeking revenge or hating your ex can be a mistake, the opposite is just as valid. All relationships have their ups and downs, and nobody is perfect. This idolizing of your ex can prevent you from adequately healing, making you feel unworthy of love or second guess if you’re good enough when someone new comes along. While your ex might not have been a bad person, realize they weren’t perfect either.
15 – Don’t Rush Things
When going through the grieving process, understand that it’s called a ‘process’ for a reason. Things can take time, so don’t try to rush yourself through and back to normal. Don’t set time limits for yourself where you should be over your ex by the 20-day mark, or you should start dating this many weeks after. Everyone deals with grief differently, and you should take; however, as long as you need to fully move on from your previous relationship.
Breakups are always going to be hard to deal with, whether it’s your first relationship or you’ve been dating for a long time and through the wringer a few times. It’s important to grieve and cope on your terms. But you should do it in a way that promotes positivity and healing by the end of the process.
By avoiding these mistakes, you’ll be able to move on with a healthy sense of self-worth after the breakup. Plus, you will bring the best you to the field when you’re ready to start dating again.